Setting Sun
by Litsztomania
Summary: When love shows no bounds, how far will it go before it runs out? A story of Love and Truth. Please read and review. I put my heart and soul into this piece of art...LOL, jk. It's a parody.
1. Setting Sun

**Setting Sun**

**By JackTheVampire  
**

Edward crept through Bella's window silently, unheard and unseen, searching for his beloved meal-I mean girlfriend. She hadn't shown up at his house that evening like the good little slave whore-I mean girlfriend that she was. He was worried about her. Concerned to the point of being unnerved. His worry creased his beautiful, magnificent, gorgeous, Godly sparkle brow.

She wasn't there._  
_

"Bella? Oh, Bella dear? My lovely Swan? The love of my life? Tasty cheeseburger?!" He looked all over the room for her, and found nothing but a soaked through mattress. "Hmmm. What is this?" He said. "It smells like...dishwater!"

Edward was suddenly enraged. There was only one reason for there to be dishwater on her bed... well, a couple. Either Bella had been fornicating with a turkey baster, or Jacob Black had been in her room...and somehow left behind dishwater.

He snarled a beautiful snarl and sprung to the window.

"Not so fast, you sexy beast." Another sexy, luxusious, velvety smooth, kitty cat prowl voice said from behind the door. It pushed itself closed and revealed a magical ball of fire and a cup. It was the Goblet of Fire!

"Ohs noes!" Edward meant to scream. Instead all that came out were muffled, sexy, cotton and silk sounds. Sounds that were cookies and cream being poured over a nun in a bikini good. "WARBLE SCROGGLE MIFFLEMIFFLE MAH!!!"

The magic words turned the sexy Goblet of Fire into the sexier Victoria!

"That's right, Edward!" She said, cackling. "It is I who did this to you!"

He stared at her with sexy cool hot topaz eyes that smoldered and burned gorgeously and all that crap. "What did you do?"

"I created Bella out of dishwater to kill my mate and end up here so I could tie you up and rape you and junk."

Edward raised his sexy, sculpted eyebrows of sexy horny perfection. "That makes little to no sense."

"Neither does Nessie! Who gives a fuck?!"

She was right.

Edward and Victoria then fornicated on the windowsill...

and outside in the tree, Mike and Eric held hands!

**The End.**


	2. Killer Skin

**Killer Skin**

_By JackTheVampire_

Edward stepped forward into the light as I held my breath.

For a moment my eyes were blinded by the shininess of his skin, glittering and sparkling in the sunlight for some reason. Luckily his chest hair deflected some of the light, making my retinas burn a little less.

"Do you see what I am now?!" He screamed, sparkle veins straining in his neck. "Do you see how my people are different?!"

I nodded, rubbing my knuckles into my eyes, trying to see again. Edward was still a big glitter tube, perched on a rock. "What the fuck are you, dude?"

He sighed his face, I presumed, was dark. But he was still lit up like a Christmas tree, so I couldn't tell. "I'm different. Dangerous." He slid out of the light and went out like a cheap neon sign getting shut off by the owner of the KFC. Edward leaned against a tree, brooding and sighing.

"No, really. What are you? Why's your skin like that?" I asked. "Is it hypoxia? Can vampire's get hypoxia?"

He stepped back into the light.

"Whoa!" I cried, and shielded my eyes.

"Don't you see?!" He screamed again. Edward screamed a lot. "I'm not like you!

"You're damn straight! What kind of vampire sparkles in the sun?!" I reached my hand out into the light. The sun hit it and my pale skin began to turn red. It quickly blackened and smoked. "That's normal!" I pulled my hand into the shade. "You freaking sparkle, man! Is it because you're gay?"

"No! I'm not gay!"

"Whatever."

"I...I'm a fairy, Jasper. Not a vampire."

...

...

...

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

**The End**


	3. Long Ass Title

_AN: This is the best story ever._

**Another Love Story About Edward and Bella That Completely Ignores the Fact That It Doesn't Matter How Old You Look - Pedophilia Mainly Focuses On How Many Times You've Been Around The Sun. That's Why Gary Coleman Never Dated Dakota Fanning... Too Soon?**

"Bella," Edward whispered.

"Edward!" Bella gasped.

"Bella," Edward intoned.

"Edward..." Bella pleaded.

"Bella!" Edward cried.

Bella sighed, "Edward."

"Bella," Edward replied.

Jacob shouted, "BELLA!"

Bella muttered, "Jacob.

Edward snarled, "Jacob."

"Jacob!" Renez...Rennies... Ren... You know what? Fuck it. Her name is Shoe.

"Jacob!" Shoe squealed.

They all glared at Shoe broodingly, realizing that despite all of the lovey dovey bullshit in the fourth book, her appearance in Breaking Dawn basically drove out half of the evout Twilight fanbase.

Shoe cried in the corner and no one cared.

Bella sniffled, "Shoe..."

"Bella!" guffawed Edward.

Jacob growled, "Alice."

Bella swooned, "Jacob!"

"Bella..." Edward griped.

Jasper walked through the room in his boxers, going to the fridge to get some Sunny D.

Wait, Jasper fought for the South in the civil war... Does that mean he's really racist? How is that just accepted by everyone? I don't understand Twilight...

Dakota Fanning and Gary Coleman arrived then. "You must make Bella a vampire," she said, and then they got into a clown car and floated off to heaven.

"The pact," Jacob snarled.

"Edwaaaard!" Bella whined.

"No pact," Edward said to Jacob.

"Yes pact," Jacob threatened back.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"No."

"Okay then," Edward said, and turned to make Bella a vampire. But she wasn't there anymore.

Shoe stuffed the rest of Bella's foot in her mouth. Edward screamed like a little girl and melted, and Jacob picked up Shoe and drop kicked her/him/it/whatever through the nearest window.

Jasper came back through the living room in his boxers with Sunny D. He looked at the Shoe-shaped hole through the glass and shouted, "SUNNY D IS BITCHIN'!"

A million billion miles away, John Green and Magnus Bane sat on a futon in a basement, watching Twilight on DVD, eating Chinese food.

"What did I just watch?" Magnus asked.

John shook his head. "I have no clue."

"It didn't even begin to make sense. Where was the plot? The action? The climax?"

John chewed meditatively on his almond soo guy. "Honestly, I have no clue. Twilight makes no fucking sense."

**The End**


End file.
